One trait that most men highly value in a woman is her ability to listen well and remain interested in what they have to say. Listening can be the most subtle yet effective way to show sincere appreciation for another person.
With the right awareness and practice, we can all become better listeners, show more appreciation, and make deeper connections with other people. To help you make immediate progress in this area, here are some simple guidelines to follow:
o Give the gift of sincere listening.
Sometimes it is comforting for a speaker to share their emotional baggage with another person. When someone is there to listen, it satisfies that person’s human need to be understood. Certainly, there are times when we talk about things that are not that interesting to someone else. However, his willingness to absorb our thoughts, ideas, and emotions can be both reassuring and validating. Listening is seen as a true sign of caring, friendship, and even love.
o Set your intention to give your full attention.
Some people are easily distracted when someone else is talking. But if you get distracted, the speaker won’t feel like you value what he has to say. If he wants to become an outstanding listener, the first thing he must do is determine to develop the habit of giving speakers his full attention. You can accomplish this by: (1) looking them straight in the eye as you talk, (2) keeping your body still and not moving, (3) turning your body toward them instead of away from them, and (4) remaining silent until they have finished. to complete your thoughts.
o Provide positive non-verbal feedback.
Show that you are listening carefully by offering comments as if that person is the only one left on this earth. You can do this by: (1) nodding your head, (2) leaning closer to the person you are speaking with, (3) smiling with delight or approval, and (4) maintaining eye contact throughout the conversation. As anyone with a hearing impairment can see, listening is not always auditory communication.
o Try not to interrupt while speaking.
When you interrupt someone while they are talking, you often try to finish their sentences to speed up their story. But mostly you are in your own head thinking about what you want to talk about instead of listening. After a while, the speaker gets annoyed by his interruptions. For a speaker to feel appreciated, it is important to be more patient and disciplined when listening. If necessary, ask if he can make a brief comment on your topic before allowing you to continue.
o Help the speaker get into your flow.
When I worked as a speech coach years ago, one of my main tasks was getting people to talk about topics they were eager to discuss. I would set things in motion by asking, “So, John, tell us what happened to you the other day.” When the speaker got stuck, he would interject, “So what happened next?” By doing this, I was able to help the speaker flow. I only interrupted them to get them back on track or to suggest they elaborate on their story. If you can help other people “get into the flow” when they speak, they will especially appreciate you.
o Seek first to understand others instead of wanting them to understand yourself.
Most people wish others understood them, but we rarely think about trying to understand the other person. But by changing this habit in conversations and understanding the other person first, we can learn what’s important to them early in the game. This adjustment will naturally result in conversations that are tailored to the other person’s taste and allow for a better exchange of ideas. By focusing more on the other person, we learn more about them and help them feel more appreciated. The other person will also perceive you as a more caring and less self-centered person.
o Repeat your words to yourself.
An easy way to avoid filtering what another person is saying is to repeat it in your head as you speak. Try it! I think you’ll find that this simple technique will keep your mind from wandering. It will also help your concentration and improve your recall of what is being said.
o Don’t jump to conclusions!
When resolving conflicts, be sure to listen to the person fully. Come see his side of the story and find out precisely what his true intentions were. That way you can avoid the common mistake of jumping to conclusions by listening to only the first part. When you collect all the information from them, you will be more likely to identify with the reasoning or purpose of the other person’s behavior.
o Ask empowering questions.
By listening more carefully, you will be able to ask the right kinds of questions. Good questions cause the speaker to elaborate more fully or guide them in a more productive direction. Helpful queries include: “What made you really proud of that?” and “What did you enjoy most about what happened then?” You can also empower the speaker by directing them towards topics associated with positive rather than negative emotions. Instead of asking questions just for your own benefit, do so with the added intention of guiding the speaker to feel better about themselves.
By mastering these simple listening techniques with practice and purpose, an intelligent woman can set herself apart. The men you date will think of you as someone they can enjoy spending quality time with while doing the most basic activity: having a casual one-on-one conversation.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Dating someone sucks when people start avoiding you because you’ve earned a reputation for being a terrible audience. But dating is great when others feel understood and appreciated by the easy way you listen to them.