Was it my first love or what?

Life is something very complicated and imperceptible. It is full of certain and uncertain events; nice and nasty, believable and incredible, sweet and sour, wanted and mostly unwanted. Many philosophers have done their best to discover the true meaning of life; but I will not say that not even one of them was successful. Maybe I’m wrong, but maybe I’m right.

It was probably in the middle of spring. I was a student of F.Sc. later. I studied at the local university which is now Government College, its name was then MC College. I had a separate room for studying, located on the ground floor while my parents lived upstairs. There was no one to interfere with my studies or what I could do there.

They were good times, people used to mingle with each other, shared their good and their affliction. People used to sleep outside, just closing their gates or doors. The children played hide and seek and other similar games at night, especially on moonlit nights.

One day after college, I was sitting in my room, just relaxing on the couch, when I heard someone laugh or smile. I couldn’t see who it could be. I assumed that someone passed and entered our house; a large one at the time, with a deep well. Although its water was saline, some people from the area came to draw water from it. After a few minutes, a girl passed by with a pale one of water, laughing and smiling.

It passed my room like a sweet-smelling gust of wind. She came and went almost four or five times, with the same performance, just smiling and laughing, not looking inside where I was sitting. I was surprised by what would come next.

Then one day, he threw a rupee coin in my room. I held her in my hand and when she came back for water again, I tossed the coin, at the sight of her. She threw it away again. I took it in my hand again and threw it down the drain that ran in front of the house. He asked his little sister to take it off and she did. She washed it and threw it into my room, saying “Rakh sees him”, that is, “Put it away, dear!”

She was a teenager, like me then. He had bright eyes and sharp features. His name was Nasreen. She was the daughter of our neighbor, her father used to sell “grams”, which people call “Chole” in our Urdu or Punjabi language. He set up his post at the busy crossroads. It started in the afternoon and sold everything around sunset.

This continued for some time; sometimes we shared fruit or some sweet dish that she brought, saying, “I saved it for you.” Yes, I remember one more thing, I used to throw coins in my room every day. I never counted them, but used them happily. These were cheap times, things used to be cheap and the rupee had a value, two rupees equal to three Indian rupees in those days. Wheat in those days cost twelve rupees for 30 kg.

During these days, he used to wait for her to come and share her sweet smile and of course some flying words like “Go Pathana!” ie “O ‘Pathan”, although it was not. At night when we sat down and shared something she brought with her, she had no idea about sex. Although we shared meals a few times, there hadn’t been a warm feeling of contact. No touch of hands, no idea of ​​anything like sex.

One night, he came to draw water and said, “Do you see too bolda kiyun naeen?” I said, “Why, who says?” It was completely dark and the two of us were alone there. Perhaps, she wanted a touch of the lips or even more, but I never had such an idea in my mind. Maybe I was so innocent then or didn’t have any impulse like that.

The days went by and by. I felt like he was losing interest in me; Rather, he became interested in some other boy who lived in the neighborhood. I felt my insides on fire, but I couldn’t do anything. What was it? Why was he demeaning me? One day, I saw her, throwing her sweet smiles at another boy. I couldn’t make out what was happening; when one day; Someone told me that she eloped with another boy from the neighborhood.

Now, when years have passed since this same incident occurred; Sometimes I think that maybe she needed sex, which I couldn’t understand her demand at the time. Years have passed, I have seen many springs of life; I have enjoyed a happy married life for years. I remember those days and wonder why I couldn’t understand her feelings or what she wanted.

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